Suicide

Suicide is Painless

Through early morning fog I see

visions of the things to be

the pains that are withheld for me

I realize and I can see...

[REFRAIN]:

that suicide is painless

It brings on many changes

and I can take or leave it if I please.

I try to find a way to make

all our little joys relate

without that ever-present hate

but now I know that it's too late, and...

[REFRAIN]

The game of life is hard to play

I'm gonna lose it anyway

The losing card I'll someday lay

so this is all I have to say.

[REFRAIN]

The only way to win is cheat

And lay it down before I'm beat

and to another give my seat

for that's the only painless feat.

[REFRAIN]

The sword of time will pierce our skins

It doesn't hurt when it begins

But as it works its way on in

The pain grows stronger...watch it grin, but...

[REFRAIN]

A brave man once requested me

to answer questions that are key

is it to be or not to be

and I replied 'oh why ask me?'

[REFRAIN]

'Cause suicide is painless

it brings on many changes

and I can take or leave it if I please.

...and you can do the same thing if you please.


Back in the seventies, this song became a hit. But all I knew of it was the refrain "Suicide is painless, it brings on many changes, and I can take or leave it as I please."

Even as I had posted the lyrics, I still hadn't read the lines. But...

What brings on this post? No, I'm not contemplating the idea. Rather, I would like to reflect on the issue, a friend's son having taken his life exactly a week ago today. I knew the boy, he was quiet and polite. Weeks back, I saw him in their house, called to him as he sat on the stair steps. Upon hearing me, he called my name, stood up and walked to me, bent to give me a kiss on the cheek. We small talked, I told him I'd been seeing his friend frequently, he said "talaga?" Then we bade him goodbye, after which, perhaps, he went back to his lonely perch on the stair steps.

I'm glad if but for a minute or so, I had reached out to him. At least, somehow, I don't have to say "sayang I didn't."

At any rate, since learning of the incident, I have experienced a whole gamut of emotions: sadness, pain, anger, confusion. I have shed tears for the boy and his family. Questions have cropped up in my mind, probable answers - speculations really. What drove him to do it, I wondered? I still wonder till today, seven days later, and while initially it seemed so easy to come up with probable answers, now I hesitate to think I do. Because I don't. Some believe they know the reason, they theorize; but then again, they cannot be sure. How could they? Only God and the young man know for sure, and as so many have said, God is a loving God, he forgives. He accepts. He continues to love. So who are we to do otherwise?

Still the issue begs for answers. Why are people driven to commit suicide? What is it in this world that drives them to do it?

Last Saturday, a cousin and I talked about the issue, and among other things, she mentioned how ironic it is that some people who are very sick go through all sorts of measures to get better, to prolong their lives. Then here is a boy, 24 years old, who's physically healthy but decides to end it all. Being myself physically disabled, I've actually asked "couldn't we have exchanged spinal cords before you jumped off to your death?" after I learned of some people jumping off buildings to the cold ground, thus snuffing out their lives. So why do they do it? Problems, issues, too big for them to handle? So how come people with seemingly bigger issues and problems are able to cope? I don't know.

Years back, the Catholic Church refused to allow people who died by suicide into the church. The Church has since changed its mind and grown compassionate. Years back, when Jimmy Ongpin took his life, some priests said something had possibly snapped in his head when he decided to pull the trigger. Years back too, a batchmate took his life in the cemetery, possibly because of similar circumstances as JO. He wasn't guilty of any crime ; just possibly he had been used but didn't have the right connections to get out of it the way his confreres were able to. I don't know.

Was he being wise in doing what he did? Was he being fair to himself and his family by doing what he did? One can only speculate.

The suicide of my friend's son is so close to home that I have become more enlightened in the sense that I now think it is not fair to speculate, to judge. A quiet acceptance of the suicide per se seems called for, along with compassion and understanding. No answers will be forthcoming in this life, only God knows and yet he cares.

After typing the above paragraphs, I finally decided to read the lyrics of the song. Is it possible that the 30-year old lyrics, more or less, reflect/encapsulate what goes on in the mind of people who do it? The lyrics, yet again:

Suicide is Painless

Through early morning fog I see

visions of the things to be

the pains that are withheld for me

I realize and I can see...

[REFRAIN]:

that suicide is painless

It brings on many changes

and I can take or leave it if I please.

I try to find a way to make

all our little joys relate

without that ever-present hate

but now I know that it's too late, and...

[REFRAIN]

The game of life is hard to play

I'm gonna lose it anyway

The losing card I'll someday lay

so this is all I have to say.

[REFRAIN]

The only way to win is cheat

And lay it down before I'm beat

and to another give my seat

for that's the only painless feat.

[REFRAIN]

The sword of time will pierce our skins

It doesn't hurt when it begins

But as it works its way on in

The pain grows stronger...watch it grin, but...

[REFRAIN]

A brave man once requested me

to answer questions that are key

is it to be or not to be

and I replied 'oh why ask me?'

[REFRAIN]

'Cause suicide is painless

it brings on many changes

and I can take or leave it if I please.

...and you can do the same thing if you please.